Overcoming Guilt and Shame in Addiction Recovery

All negative feelings are tough. But some emotions can feel more insidious than others. Guilt and shame can snake their way into our thoughts. They can influence how we feel, think, act and perceive life. They can even, unfortunately, hold us back from accessing help. There is no denying that guilt and shame are very complex feelings that often have very strong psychological roots. But despite this, we sometimes need to learn how to shake off these feelings – or at least to grow with them.

Regardless of your situation, you do not deserve to feel guilt or shame for your addiction. But at UKAT, we understand that these feelings can be very hard to break free from. We hope by exploring the mechanisms of these emotions, we can provide an insight into how they function. This can help us gain power over these feelings and implement practical strategies to tackle them head-on.

The emotional weight of addiction

Addiction is so powerful because, alongside the physical side, it has such potent psychological effects. Addictions are about more than just behaviours. They are often developed in response to a complex melting pot of emotions. In turn, the slide into addiction can carry its own set of tough feelings.

Feelings commonly experienced by people living with addiction are:

• Anger
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Emptiness
• Guilt
• Shame

We all feel these from time to time. But in most cases our feelings are acute; they are a short-term response to a specific stimulus. When we have a chronic tendency towards specific feelings, we can become incapacitated by them.

These feelings can be very heavy. In some instances, we may want to run away from them. That can lead to denial or turning to maladaptive practices such as engaging in gambling, using drugs, overworking ourselves or other forms of self-harm. These avenues may feel like escapes in the moment, but in the long-term they can leave us even more tangled in our feelings.

In other cases, we can simply feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to turn. Our feelings can make everything feel very dark, and it can be easy to get lost in the darkness without the light of appropriate support.

Guilt and shame

Guilt and shame are often reported by people living with substance dependencies as well as behavioural addictions.

Shame is thought to ‘mediate the depressive pathway to addiction.’This potentially happens as shame lays the foundation for negative self-regard. According to one paper,

‘Shame is a self-directed emotion that follows a negative life event and is characterised by feelings of inferiority, worthlessness and embarrassment.’

This suggests that shame relates more to how we feel about ourselves.

Chronic guilt is also a predictor of addiction. Guilt is usually linked more to feelings around a behaviour. For example, we may feel guilty when we feel that we have engaged with something that is socially or morally unacceptable.

Why do we feel it?

It is difficult to identify exactly why people feel different things. This is due to the vast idiosyncrasies of our personal psychologies. Philosophers and researchers have wondered about the causes of different feelings for centuries. But there is no denying that guilt and shame often come hand in hand. Together, they can be incapacitating.

What can cause these feelings?

Some people struggle to identify the roots of their emotional tendencies. Other people may know why they have a strong leaning towards shame but may not know how to work past it.

Common catalysts of these feelings include things that happen to us. These can include:

• Past trauma
• Exposure to abuse
• Exposure to violence
• Exposure to bullying
• Surviving a traumatic event
• The death of a loved one
• Involvement in an accident or injury
• Perceived failure
• Struggling to live up to familial expectations

It is also possible to feel guilt and shame for something we have been involved with. Examples are:

• Engagement in bullying
• Involvement in violence through work (such as serving in the army)
• Involvement in violence for self-defence reasons
• Being aggressive, abusive or violent to others
• Being involved in criminal activity
• Being involved in blackmail

It is also possible for people to develop deep-seated guilt and shame in relation to their personal lived experience. This can be especially common in members of minority communities, LGBTQIA+ and disabled people. In these cases, shame is often internalised because of exposure to harmful or hateful experiences. These instances can make you question – and even start to feel guilty for – who you are.

Identifying the seed of these emotions is a key step. The second step is learning to challenge these feelings with targeted thoughts and behaviours. By starting to tackle these feelings, we can begin to heal. These shifts can help us through the trials of recovery. But they can also stay with us for life, boosting our ability to manage potentially difficult situations in the future.

Tackling guilt and shame

Finding ways to address your tendencies towards guilt and shame more generally will allow you to develop a healthier and happier sense of self. This stability can give you a safer foundation from which to work towards addiction recovery.

Practical strategies against guilt and shame include:

• Try and identify the root cause of these feelings
• Practice openness and honesty
• Practice gratitude
• Use journaling to help you explore your thought processes
• Remind yourself that you are worthy of support
• Make a list of all of your positive attributes
• Use distraction techniques when you can feel your thoughts spiralling
• Imagine how you would talk to a friend in your situation
• Practice self-love and kindness
• Learn how to set healthy boundaries
• Focus on controllable action
• Use mindfulness to stay in the moment
• Change your relationship with the idea of failure
• Change your relationship with the idea of help
• Catch yourself when you begin to think (or say) bad things about yourself
• Make amendments with other if necessary (and safe to do so)
• Try to work towards forgiveness when are where possible
• Establish mantras, such as ‘I deserve health,’ ‘I deserve happiness’

You may find it beneficial to incorporate some of these strategies into your weekly or daily routine. Others you may find are one-off activities that can be engaged with and laid to rest. However you choose to approach these strategies, remember to be kind and patient with yourself. If engaging with any of these tasks feels too much, then it may be worth addressing them with the help of a therapist, counsellor, or trusted friend or family member.

Get support at addiction rehab

Here at UKAT, we know that there can be many barriers to accessing addiction help. This can even include the strength of our own emotions. Contact us today for a free, confidential consultation with a member of our team.

We are here to lend a listening, non-judgmental ear and guide you through potential options for specialist, holistic addiction support. We can talk you through the bespoke packages we offer to identify the most appropriate treatment for you. At UKAT, we know there is no need to feel shame for living with addiction. We can help you take a healthy, positive approach to recovery.